


Just One Yesterday

by sweaterpawslarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Arson, Arsonist Harry, Bottom Louis, Crazy Harry, Dark Harry Styles, Demons, Harry hates people, Hate to Love, Hates them enough to kill, Hearing Voices, I put up a warning at the beggining of the chapter, I'm sorry Louis, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Innocent Louis, Louis Hates Himself, M/M, Mild S&M, Minor Character Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, Seven Deadly Sins, Sexual Tension, Supernatural Elements, Top Harry, Unrequited Love, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis gets tied up like once, not schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5308262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaterpawslarry/pseuds/sweaterpawslarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I thought of angels </p><p>Choking on their halos</p><p>Get them drunk on rose water</p><p>See how dirty I can get them</p><p>Pulling out their fragile teeth</p><p>And clip their tiny wings"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Harry thought he was the freak... the psycho.

He was dead wrong.

He tried to scare him, he tried to turn him into something he already was, tried to break him but he caught on to his plan way before he could even execute it.

Harry saw him as an angel, a beautiful blue eyed angel. Blue eyes doesn’t know if he didn't sense his mistake or he just chose to ignore it but he was far from an angel.

What Harry didn't see was how his demons became his angel’s own, how he fed off of his misery, how the stronger he became the weaker his darling was and more vulnerable to what they had to say.

"You wouldn't understand, nobody does. I take people's misery and make it my own, I have encountered every single demon there is."

Louis loved to play with strangers' demons, until it started to become too much for him. He thought he was overwhelmed with darkness to the point where he didn't think he'd survive. He thought he had encountered the ultimate evil...

That was until he met him.

"Oh darling. Sweet angel. If only you knew how screwed up I really am", he let out a snort before continuing, "Well, let's just say you wouldn't even be standing here before me, not willingly at least."

 

"I thought of angels 

Choking on their halos

Get them drunk on rose water

See how dirty I can get them

Pulling out their fragile teeth

And clip their tiny wings"

In which an arsonist infatuated with inflicting pain and misery and having power falls for an innocent boy with his own demons, literally.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's an art to life's distractions,
> 
> To somehow escape the burning weight, 
> 
> the art of scraping through,
> 
> Some like to imagine,
> 
> The dark caress of someone else, 
> 
> I guess any thrill will do" -Hozier

People are fascinating.

Funny little creatures they are, running around trying to grasp the attention of either the opposite or the same sex. I do not see why though. I find either preference or obsession pathetic. What is so astonishing of this so-called crush? There is absolutely nothing special about women or men. I find the whole concept… unbearably irritating. It may or may not have to do with my lack of experience; I was after all a rather secluded being when I was a child. The only company that was ever welcomed was my parents’ and that was only because they refused to ever leave me alone, but when they did- _oh_ , when they did! It was glorious.

I remember mother often organizing what she called a “play date”- which didn’t sound alluring at all to me – with several girls and boys from the neighborhood, in hopes to get me all buoyant but let’s face it, I might as well let you know: I despised other people, still do to this day. It didn’t even make any sense, mother liked being alone as much as I did. I never understood.

There was a time, however, when I almost – _almost_ \- grasped normalcy and that happened when, for the first time, I actually found a girl physically appealing. She had green eyes and red fiery hair (which in my opinion was the most attractive trait), she had freckles and small heart-shaped lips. I remember staring at her for what seemed like hours but were only mere seconds as she came out to check her mailbox, then back inside. I had always thought of other people as dull but when it came to her, I found her astounding. I often imagined having conversations with her about interesting topics like weaponry used in early warfare or how long-suffering people are when it comes to death. However, all of that was ostracized once I actually talked to her. All of my fantasies and yearnings were thrown out the window once I started a conversation with her- a _real_ one.

She was as monotonous as they came. Her father was a successful lawyer, where as her mother was a mere housewife (no offense to housewives, my mother is one as well); she had an older sister with whom she fought like every other person. I don’t know why I had expected something different though; I should have seen how normal she really was. Such a shame really, I had been looking forward to human interaction other than my family, guess I learned my lesson.

 

It went on like that until I turned thirteen, that’s when it all changed. On February 14, Annabelle Styles was born. She was a healthy baby who came crashing into my life at just 6.5 pounds, with big caramel eyes and dark brown hair that you could clearly see was going in the same direction as mine. It was only when I held her in my arms that I realized the human race was not all bad if it could create something so delicate and beautiful. I remember feeling something deep in my chest that left as soon as it came, mother claims it was… fondness? I honestly don’t know, all I knew back then was that I had found a safe haven in the tiny creature. Annabelle Marie Styles (the middle name was a last minute thing), grew up to be quite the opposite of me. She constantly wanted to be out in the world, get her hands dirty in mud and –worst of all-, talk to people. Of course I obeyed her every wish and command, that child was everything to me. I took her to the park every Friday after picking her up from school and she played with the kids there while I watched her from the most decent looking bench I could find, I would not sit on filth no matter how weak Annabelle made me.

I should have known though, that she wouldn’t exactly rid me of what went through my mind.

I set fire to a rose bush in our backyard when I was fourteen, I cannot pinpoint exactly why but I can tell you what I felt at that moment: adrenaline. I felt this rush of energy run through my very soul when I saw how each growing flower turned into a black mass before disintegrating, the same happened with the leaves. I remember being hypnotized by the smell too; I was unable to move as I watched the scene in front of me unfold. It wasn’t until my father sprayed everything with water that I came back to my senses. It wasn’t him who scolded me though, it had been my mother who was frustrated because they were the roses she had been spending so many months on. I wasn’t paying that much attention, only thinking about when and where could I do that next.

I can’t say I know where my obsession with fire started, but I guess many hours reading in front of a warm fire fuck you up don’t they?

It only escalated from there. First the bush, then a small patch of daisies in a nearby park that nobody went to and I never forgot my bucket of water (although I was tempted to bring gasoline just for the fun of it). When I was eighteen it got only worse. I wasn’t addicted to drugs or alcohol, I was addicted to fire and gasoline. I looked for abandoned homes and burned the furniture if there was any, the smell and sound was much more satisfying. Fire wasn’t my only addiction, when I turned sixteen I accidentally cut myself with the knife I was using to cut my red velvet cake. A single dark red drop of blood fell into the bright red layer of the cake. I stared at it for as long as I could, the contrast was a great one, until my mother came in and took the plate only to throw it away. All that was stuck in my mind was how beautiful the dark colour of the blood looked in contrast with the brightness of the cake. I kept pressing at my finger, which may have slowed the healing process but only increased my obsession with blood- and later pain.

 

 

My life went on like that, uneventful except for Annabelle’s occasional ballet recital and my not so occasional thirst for fire, pain and blood. I kept taking her to ballet classes every Tuesday and to the park every Friday, I stayed in my room except for when she wanted to play or when mother insisted we had a family night out. I celebrated each birthday with red velvet cake in a circular shape and decorated with my name like only my mother could make it. I grew accustomed to this routine though, so on my twenty second birthday with Annabelle being nine years old, still in primary school and my parents in their mid forties, as I blew out the candle I made a wish: something different.

It wasn’t until three weeks later that my wish came true, and it wasn’t as subtle as I thought it would be. It was a usual Friday afternoon and as always, I had taken Annabelle to the park. When I made sure she had people to play with and was safe, I turned to go sit on my bench but stopped as soon as I noticed something, or rather someone. Sitting in my bench was a boy who couldn’t be older than sixteen. I turned to see if the other benches had people in them and they were unfortunately all full of mothers probably gossiping. That left me no choice but to go sit beside the boy, so with an audible gulp of my throat I slowly made my way towards the blue bench.

At only a few steps away, however, I stopped in my tracks yet again. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed those hypnotizing blue eyes before, I stared at him for a few seconds until I noticed that the only way I could have seen his eyes was if he had been looking right at me, which he was. My eyes widened even more before I cleared my throat and looked down, making my way to the bench silently.

When I sat down, I noticed from my peripheral vision that he was still looking forward, which made me doubt he was even looking at me in the first place. He then turned to look at me and almost made me jump in surprise but I had never cowered down to anyone, why would I start now? So I just narrowed my eyes and hardened my jaw, letting him know I wasn’t someone to be fucked with. However, my gaze flickered when I noticed how blankly and yet intently he was looking at me, like he was studying me and how dare he. When he did meet my eyes, his eyes widened a bit and his expression looked panicked for a bit but it was quickly replaced again by a blank stare.

I decided then that it was my queue to speak, “Why are you staring?”. He looked a bit taken aback and looked down mumbling something that I didn’t quite catch. “Speak up boy”, I said a bit harshly but truth is, I was just as scared as him. This was the first time in years I had spoken to someone other than my family and to say I was nervous was an understatement.

“I-I said, the same reason why you’re staring”, he said turning to look at me again with a weary look that made me feel less uneasy, maybe he was more nervous after all. I gave him a smirk and stared at him for a few seconds making him lower his gaze once more. “Calm down boy, I just wanted to know”, I said with amusement, which earned me a glare.

He was about to answer when a woman came up to us, “Louis! I’ve been calling you for a while now, have you not- oh!”, she spoke until she noticed my presence and then her eyes widened. “Hello, I didn’t see you there. W-was he bothering you? I’m so-“, I lifted my hand to signal that I wanted her to shut up. _Gosh_ , she was just reminding me how much I hated people. She closed her mouth immediately, she looked intimidated and for some reason I liked it. “He really wasn’t a bother, we were actually having a decent conversation, weren’t we Louis?”, I looked at him as I said his name and gave him a look that I hope was sending a message of ‘go with it’. He looked at me all wide eyed and nodded quickly after an audible gulp which made my eyes drop down to his throat, and there was a stirring in my chest and in my pants with how inviting it looked. It made me feel powerful, the way he quickly responded but I started to get angry, how dare he make me feel emotions I had not once felt. I had to get out of there fast.

“Well, I would love to stay and chat but it is about time I get home”, I said still not taking my eyes of the blue-eyed boy now known as Louis. “I guess I’ll see you around”, I added with a smirk, which made him squirm a bit. The woman who I assumed was his mother nodded with a smile, “It was nice meeting you…” “Harry, Harry Styles”, she nodded once more. “Ah, it was nice meeting you Harry, it’s nice to know Louis here has found a friend”.

_Friend_. That struck something. I was no friend of his. I didn’t have any friends. I may not know a lot about having friends but I do know that whatever it was that I wanted from this boy wasn’t something a friend would expect from another. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what I felt but I was too stubborn to admit it. Instead, I nodded with a furrow of my eyebrows and walked off to where Annabelle was, without giving them a second glance.

“Hazzie! Is it time to go home?”, she asked as she stood up from the sandbox, fixing her long curly locks. I nodded, getting even more frustrated at how I couldn’t even put on a fake smile for her like I always did, what did he do to me. She sighed dramatically as always, which more often then not earned fond looks and chuckles from me. “If you insist, but you must carry me”, she said putting her hands on her waist. I quickly nodded and grabbed her, throwing her across my shoulder earning me a squeal and light punches to my back. I dropped her off and left somewhere to cool down.

Trying to rid my thoughts of those fucking blue eyes.

The next morning, when my mom turned on the TV there was news of a warehouse that was set on fire in the late hours of the night, the firemen got there just before it could be completely demolished. Both my parents turned to look at me disapprovingly; I just smirked and took a sip of my coffee all thoughts of blue eyes gone.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When I was a child, I heard voices...
> 
> Some would sing and some would scream"
> 
> -Hozier

***LOUIS' POV***

 

His name was Zayn.

I met him when I was five and he was seven. I remember he scared me a bit at first, he said the craziest things. I then got used to it though. I got used to the way he spoke, sometimes loud and high pitched, others low and whispery. I quickly learned it depended on his mood.

One day, he did something to me- _t ~~o us, Louis.~~_ ~~_Yes Louis, never forget us._~~ I was playing with him in the living room next to the fire and everything appeared to be normal, well as normal as it could get with Zayn. Until he started mumbling something and his eyes kept flickering between the fire and me. I could’ve sworn his voice had gone a completely different tone than what I had grown accustomed to.

 _“Zayn? A-are you o-okay?”,_ I had asked shakily. I wanted to help but I stayed put, something told me he wasn’t himself anymore. He let out a snarl before speaking, _“Zaynie, I want him. Can I have him? I’ll leave you alone, Zaynie, just say yes! Say. Yes.”_

That’s when I realized just how wrong Zayn really was. How atrocious was his mind. If I wasn’t scared already by what _he_ was saying, well I definitely got scared when after a few minutes of silence, I heard him whisper _yes_. I realized how I had never heard that voice, it sounded child-like opposed to how low or high his voice was (A few years later you can see me sobbing after realizing that I never knew Zayn, it had always been _him_ ).

He started crying and shaking, but I was too afraid to do anything about it. The lights were flickering and the fire’s cracking noise just became more prominent. The louder the crack, I noticed, the louder the whisper that came with it, “ _Give me him, I want him. I WANT HIM NOW”._

All I remember after that was black smoke. I suppose I blacked out, to this day I don’t really know what happened. All I know is I woke up feeling different, like I wasn’t alone. _~~Well of course you weren’t~~. _

I wasn’t the same after that. I woke up and my mom and Zayn’s had come when they heard a scream. Mom says they had to move away and I believe it at first. I was angry, and keen on finding him and giving back the baggage he left. I had promised myself I would, every morning, right after _he_ had started haunting my thoughts and dreams at night.

My plan soon backfired though, as soon as I found out the truth. The memories had come back, don’t know if they were mine or if they were even memories. I ‘remembered’ Zayn, how he lay unconscious on the hardwood floor. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what happened and not just because _he_ told me.

Zayn was dead and it was all because he wasn’t strong enough to take it.

 

After that I encountered many people, oblivious to what was going on around them. Oblivious to how they were alcoholics because of _her_ , or how they were afraid of the dark because of _them_. Each time ended up the same way. For some reason I became a magnet of some sorts but every time I met someone new, I felt less empty. Not in the good way. In the way that makes you feel like someone’s intruding.

The first nights were the worst; there were two of them going back and forth in my mind. _“Isn’t he cosy?” “Why yes, he seems like he’ll last for a while”._ I stopped sleeping when I was ten years old, when mom invited her drug addict friend who in turn brought another presence with her and fucked up my life even more. It got even worst after that, whenever I felt like I was finally going to be able to sleep, I felt something cutting off my air supply. I wasn’t scared though, they needed me therefore they wouldn’t kill me. Harm me? Yes _, ~~of course.~~_ Damage me emotionally? _~~I’d be weird if we didn’t~~._

It wasn’t until that day at the park that I realized that the voices in my head weren’t as bad as that horrible feeling he gave me. There wasn’t just one in him, I could hear thousands. Some hadn’t even been let out yet which only told me how dangerous he could become. They were all calling out to me, begging to be released but suddenly, he spoke.

And it all went quiet, - _too_ quiet. So quiet that I almost questioned if that evening with Zayn had happened. I questioned _their_ existence. I was frightened; I had never felt so peaceful in my entire life and it scared me.

 

The voices I had grown accustomed to just silenced the moment he said, “What are you staring at?”. There was something about him that made me squirm, the way he looked at me with so much force and domination made me feel in danger and yet at peace. I immediately noticed the way his jaw and shoulders tensed when my mother said _friend_. He clearly didn’t want to be my friend, which was absolutely fine by me. I didn’t need another person to pass on their baggage to me I was already fucked up as it was.

To me friends were people with secrets that were itching to come out, and when they met me they seized that opportunity, only to be trapped inside my mind where apparently it was much better.

Harry left quickly after that and I saw him make his way to a girl who looked about eight or nine years old. I knew she was his sister by their similarities in hair, nose and mouth. He was clearly fond of her by the way he acted, carrying her over his shoulder making her laugh and squeal. If I hadn’t heard _them_ I would have thought there was nothing wrong with him.

 Mom dragged me to the car after that, rambling about how I needed to stop annoying people and making them uncomfortable like the supportive mother she was. It didn’t exactly bother me anymore, what did bother me was how quickly _they_ came back as soon as Harry left.

We went to the grocery store where I bumped into a lady that surprisingly didn’t have anything eerie. I didn’t understand, she seemed odd and yet there was nothing, no voices, and no screams. For the second time that day, the ones in my head stayed silent and another wave of peacefulness came over me.

“Oh! Sorry dear, I didn’t see you there”, she said with a chuckle. I just gave her a nod and kept walking, towards my mom who was picking out apples. I turned to look at the lady once more and she was staring back with a small smile on her face. I quickly averted my gaze to my mother once more in hopes that the lady would just leave and at the same time hoping she could stay for a few minutes more, to have a little bit more quiet.

 

That night as I looked at my window, I saw a light and a giant cloud of smoke. I realized the warehouse a few blocks away was on fire and the feeling I had was not pleasant at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes. Feel free to let me know!
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone who left kudos. ;)


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah, you've got it all,
> 
> But you've got it all wrong.
> 
> No, you don't know
> 
> You're a poor unfortunate soul." 
> 
> -PVRIS

***Narrator’s POV** *

 

It was quite impressive the way Harry quickly forgot about Louis. It wasn’t as if that day at the park had never happened but the boy became a mere stranger to him.

“Harry, I’ve told you that if you want to set things on fire you should drive to the outside of town. There are plenty of places that won’t attract attention from the police”, a concerned Anne scolds her eldest. She has always known of her son’s urges and doesn’t necessarily mind since she too sees beauty in fire, but she knew that playing with fire was dangerous.

Soon after his mother’s words it was as if something had clicked. The need. The want. It was there again, and although he knew his mother was very understanding – more than a parent should be -, he just couldn’t let it show. Not now at least.

 

After all what would Wilhelmina think? She would most certainly comment on how _abnormal_ her grandson is.

 

Wilhelmina was –is- a very traditional and strict woman. She has never understood the way her daughter lives. As a matter of fact, she has never understood her daughter. She has always been quick to judge everything the Styles’ did which caused her visits to become less frequent, until Annabelle was born. She absolutely adored the child once she found out how different she was from the rest of the family. ( _“Oh my goodness! She plays with dolls, Anne. You never did that! Isn’t she lovely?”)_

The visits that had been twice every six months became once every month after the birth of the last Styles child. Wilhelmina was smitten with the child, as were everyone in the family. But no matter how much Harry loved his younger sibling ( _“My sweet Annabelle”, he would call her),_ there was always this pang in his chest whenever his grandmother –although he refused to call her that- would compare him to the child. Granted, he and his parents had always been pretty bizarre but there had never been a need for that bizarreness to be mentioned and yet she insisted.

 

The day she came was no different than the rest, except for the fact that she came with the intent of staying a little longer –a little longer being three days. Harry couldn’t believe it, how dare that devil woman come and monopolize his precious gem for _three whole days_. It just wasn’t fair. That old woman didn’t even like them and blamed his father for ‘corrupting’ Anne, which wasn’t entirely true. Anne had always been odd, but Des was a whole other story.

His whole family has a history of mental illnesses or just plain weirdness. Des was one of the few that weren’t exactly sick; he just had a _peculiar_ way of thinking. Despite this, if there was something the whole Styles family knew it was that _family will always be the one who understands you completely, family is everything._ It had been proven too.

To Harry, -and rightfully so- Wilhelmina was missing this principle and he couldn’t help but have this gut wrenching feeling every time this woman dare say something to his mother. You see, to Harry family was all he had and needed. They understood him like no one could, and to see the first woman he has ever loved be insulted like that in her own household fired up murderous feelings in his interior.

When his mother’s mother (“ _That woman is /not/ my grandmother, she’s not family”)_ finally arrived, he said a cold ‘hello’ and ran straight to his room where he was safe from the witch’s comments. As he shut the door, he breathed heavily his eyes bloodshot and knuckles white from fisting his shirt too hard. He could still hear her venomous voice from downstairs, he could hear the faint ‘he still lives here? Isn’t he old enough to live on his own’. He blessed his mother’s soul when he heard her responding how much of help he was.

 

It was a couple of hours later that he got called down to eat, by Annabelle of all people. His mother knew he wouldn’t have come down otherwise. He knew it was she by the way she jumped on top of his sleeping figure as if she weighed the same as a feather, which was true for Harry. She giggled at how dishevelled her Hazzie looked and started tickling him. She squealed when her brother rumbled –his way of laughing-, and turned around to face her.

“Mummy says it’s dinnertime Hazzie, we’re having grilled chicken with broccoli”, Harry’s chest rumbled again and he smiled at the face the little girl pulled when mentioning broccoli. She was never fond of the way it felt on her tongue, texture had always been a problem for her when eating.

“Let me get dressed and ready and I’ll be down in a few, sweet”, he said caressing her long wild hair just how he knew she liked it. Annabelle nodded rapidly and got off, kissing her brother’s cheek before leaving to run downstairs to the rest of the family.

Harry closed his eyes and let out a groan before getting up and putting on one of his father’s old uni jersey. He looks into the mirror and fixes his shoulder length hair to the side like he always does. He used to do it because of stress, he would just pull it with his right hand until he felt some hairs rip off and then he would feel a little bit calmer.

As he made his way down the stairs, the witch’s voice became more prominent and he became more irritated. At the bottom of the stairs he contemplated whether to just run back and lock himself up in his room, but he realized his mother was probably going to need support and he may be heartless but when it comes to his family, he will not tolerate bullshit from anyone.

“Harry darling, I’m glad you could join us”, his mother said when he walked into the living room. He walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek with a small smile. Wilhelmina watched everything with a cold stare, which Harry answered with an emotionless one. She quickly huffed and turned to her granddaughter who was playing with her dolls.

“Well I guess since everyone’s here, we should move this to the dinning room. So shall we?”, Des suggested noticing the tension in the room. Both Anne and her mother agreed verbally, while Harry just nodded and Annabelle ran strait into the other room.

 

As they ate dinner, Annabelle told her goofy stories that had everyone laughing and everything was okay for a while. Just as Harry was starting to let his protective stance falter, _she_ had to open her big disgusting mouth.

“Say Anne, this chicken is a little dry. Don’t you think?”, Wilhelmina asked with a mischievous smile that made Harry tense. Anne smiled –in a fake and notorious way-, and shrugged. She turned to look at Harry and asked sweetly, “Is it? I’ll gladly make something else”.

Harry turned to his grandmother and gave her a smirk that earned him a questioning glare before proceeding to answer the question. “Nonsense mother, it is delicious as always. I am glad you make good use of whatever it is that I catch in the back yard”, he said with his smirk still intact. Wilhelmina gasped but covered it with a scoff at the last moment knowing how screwed up her grandson really was. Both Anne and Des laughed and Annabelle followed soon after without understanding.

“I don’t see what’s so amusing”, the older woman said with disdain. She cut the last part of her meal more aggressively as if her uneasiness wasn’t obvious enough. This made Harry chuckle and Annabelle giggle, although it was mainly because if her brother found something funny she obviously should too.

“So Edward I-“ “It’s Harry”, the young man interrupted the widow coldly. She stared at him for a few seconds before scoffing and putting her knife and fork down. “Well, I would prefer Edward, that other name just sounds-“, Harry interrupted once again and not just for his own amusement. “It’s Harry, _that other name_ as you so eloquently said”, he said leaning back on his chair with a smirk on his face.

“You can’t expect me to address you with such a fortuitous name”, she said brushing off whatever it was he had said. It didn’t matter to her whatever Harry wanted. To her, he was an immature adult that still lived with his parents and didn’t have a job or friends. He clearly had no plan for the future, if he even had one.

“If you can’t address me by that name then please, by all means, do not address me at all”, Harry said grabbing his glass of wine and sipping from it, the smirk being replaced by a tense jaw and a blank stare. Anne wanted to interrupt but Des held her hand under the table, knowing it wasn’t good to interfere considering he knew his son and how he reacted whenever they tried to fight for him. Annabelle just quietly excused herself and ran upstairs to her room knowing Hazzie was scary when angry.

Wilhelmina looked taken aback for a second before she regained composure and realized this was Harry Edward Styles and he was as screwed up as the rest of the family if not more. “Nobody’s going to like you with that attitude, Harry. How do you plan on finding someone to settle down with?” she asked before taking her last bite. She chewed slowly and with a smirk that left as soon as she saw the way the man’s facial expression didn’t falter.

“It’s a good thing that I don’t plan on settling down with anyone then, innit?”. Harry was getting tired of this, he preferred when she would just ignore him and make comments about him to his mom who always – _always_ \- defended him. It was barely the first day and he was already getting riled up. _He loathed this woman._

“You can’t stay with your parents forever, can you?”, she said mockingly. Harry was clutching his glass tight now; a mere squeeze and it would shatter into pieces. “Say Anne, don’t you think that Harry’s reason for staying is a little peculiar? I mean he does spend way too much time with sweet Annabelle”.

The glass was thrown and landed on the wall before shattering on the floor, a little more to the right and it would have hit the old woman.

“FUCK YOU”, Harry screamed. His eyes were bloodshot and his body was trembling. How dare this woman imply something as grotesque and filthy as that. Yes, Annabelle was an exquisite specimen and Harry wanted nothing more than to care for her and keep her safe forever, but there never was such a reprehensible thought in his mind.

“Oh please, even I see the way you look at her. You filthy miscreant!”, Wilhelmina exclaimed. The fear in her voice was evident and there wasn’t anything more foolish than speaking like that to a fuming Harry.

“Mother! Harry is just trying to look after his sister, because she’s _family_.”, Anne decided it had been enough and couldn’t help but stand up to defend her son. She knew Harry had a way of thinking that would be worrying to other parents, but they weren’t like her. She knew family was something Harry treasured despite being alone most of the time, and yes Harry had a deep love for Annabelle but that was just _Harry._ Hating everyone and everything except for Annabelle, his weakness.

“Yes, because unlike you _I_ have a family. They don’t judge me or make shitty comments about every fucking thing. I feel sorry for you, Wilhelmina, because you will never know what it’s like to have someone love you and care for you the way I care for Annabelle. That girl keeps me sane and I would die for her but you? _Nobody_ _would miss you. You could go die for all we care, it’ll just take the weight off our shoulders.”_

Nobody missed the way Harry’s voice went even lower than usual and the way the veins in his eyes seemed just about ready to explode and bleed out.

What they did miss though -mainly because it was inside his mind-, was the voice inside his head chanting and screaming.

_KILL. HER. BURN. HER._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to those few (one? two?) that are actually giving this a shot, I tried to make it long. 
> 
> Please remember this is /fiction/. 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated :D


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ No more alone or myself could I be
> 
> Looks like I strayed to the arms that were open
> 
> No shortage of sordid, no protest from me ]
> 
> -Hozier

***NARRATOR’S POV***

How Harry found himself in a pub was beyond him. He just knew he needed to forget, to _block_. He needed to block out this new acquired friend. _Although why he would do that makes no sense to me. I’m not that bad!_

He ended up at _Appleberry’s,_ which was a common place for people his age to hang out. He felt out of place, as always. However in this particular case, there was no feeling of superiority. Whenever he came to bars with his father he mocked the people there, he mocked the way they drank until their feelings were numb and lost all sense of dignity to the point of taking a stranger home. But that certain Friday, he found himself to be one of those people, those that drank to forget.

He left a little before Annabelle’s bedtime, considering it was getting harder and harder to get his thoughts together with this _thing_ nagging at the back of his head. He didn’t want to scare her by doing something utterly foolish, Annabelle was somewhat normal and although it pained him, he wanted her to stay like that: happy, about life and herself. There was no way in hell he was going to allow her to be so miserable she’d have to go to a bar to forget or get over stuff, and it was completely out of the question that she would ever have a one night stand. He was determined to shield her from the world’s gloom and that included hiding the fact that he himself could turn into an alcoholic. ( _“You don’t understand mum, I need it to forget” “J-just not in the house? Please honey”)_

So there he was, in front of the bright sign that had _OPEN_ in blue letters under it. As soon as he made his way inside he was hit with a musky wood scent that kind of reminded him of his mum’s old wooden rocking chair her husband made from a pine tree on their tenth anniversary, both him and Annabelle were rocked to sleep in that chair during their first years.         He locked gazes with a few strangers that looked away rather quickly under his frigid gaze and made his way to a stool in front of the bartender. The guy looked rather friendly with kind eyes that were the opposite of what you expected when looking at his broad shoulders and well-built arms, you expected the guy to be some kind of asshole.

“Hello, what can I get you? My name’s Liam by the way” he said with a gentle and yet low voice. Harry nodded and gave him his name while ordering the strongest drink they had earning a knowing look from Liam. _Oh please, for fuck’s sake. What could he possibly know?_

Harry shook his head before fixing his hair. He needed that drink as soon as possible, _it_ was getting louder and even more annoying. He rubbed his temple before looking around and see if he found something interesting. There were a couple of waitresses with what he considered extremely inappropriate and unflattering outfits but he wasn’t going to judge considering less than half of the buttons of his shirt were buttoned up (not that you could compare it, _he’s Harry fucking Styles and he’ll wear whatever the hell he wants to, thank you very much)_. He saw a couple making out right beside the restroom door and wow- would it kill them to go inside before they end up fucking in front of everyone? It amazed Harry how little dignity and self-consciousness drunk people had, and yet there he was about to become one of them. Something told him (not necessarily the voice in his head) that it wasn’t going to be the last time too.

“Here you go, let me know if you need anything else, ‘kay mate?” Harry pursed his lips and gave him a nod, which signalled both gratitude and affirmation. He didn’t even look at his glass (let alone ask what it was because as long as it got him smashed it was fine) before downing it. He received a knowing look from Liam that he chose to ignore; it was pathetic the way he thought he knew what was going on. Just because people came and poured their feelings and problems out to him on a daily basis it didn’t mean Harry had to as well. ( _He’s Harry fucking Styles after all) ‘S not like anyone would believe you anyway Harry._

 

One glass turned into three and three into five more and by midnight the voices were almost gone, but that also meant that Harry’s five senses weren’t exactly working at their full potential. He was humming along with the song that was currently playing. (If you had been there, you would have seen a lanky frog faced man humming along to _Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene _with his eyes closed and yeah, he was pretty into it) Liam had decided to stop giving him drinks a while back when he started dozing off and then: “ _Holy shit! Fuck!”_ he would wake up with a start, and yeah Liam figured it’d be okay to stop. So now Harry was moving side to side (still sitting on the stool, by the way) and balancing an empty glass _,_ having given up after a while of begging for a drink and Liam refusing.

 “Hey, Jay!” The bartender said looking towards the entrance. A few people turned to look as well and smiled when they saw their favourite waitress coming in with her fifteen year-old son. As always his head was down and his hands in his pockets. People had tried to get him out of his shell but they could only get out a weak smile or a nod from him, so hey gave up.

 

 ***LOUIS’ POV** *****

I felt it the minute I stepped inside the pub. They had been nagging at me all day and suddenly they stopped. My first thought went to Harry who I hadn’t forgotten but it seemed too good to be true. I decided to forget it and just embrace the silence; who knew how much it would last.

 

 ***NARRATOR’S POV** *****

Harry’s eyes widened once he saw the woman everyone was greeting. It was the one from the park, the extremely annoying one. How he recalled remains a mystery considering how smashed he was. He rolled his eyes at the sound of her voice, _still as irritating._

He was about to turn around when he saw him. He may not recall much but he could never forget the eyes, blue and dull and yet breathtaking. He only ever looked into people’s eyes to intimidate but Louis’ eyes were different. It probably had to do with how sad they looked, tilted downwards on the outer edges and with bags under them that made them look dull. There was something about sadness that always intrigued Harry, the way it consumed people faster than happiness and slower than anger.

 “Well Harry, my shift is over but I’m leaving you with Jay here and that’s her son Louis but don’t mind him” Liam said once the woman had made her way to the counter and greeted him. Louis had quietly sat on the stool beside Harry’s but his head quickly sot up at the mention of the man’s name. The taller one that hadn’t taken his eyes off of him raised an eyebrow in amusement at Louis reaction.

“Hello, remember me? From the park a few days back?” Harry asked knowing the answer already. His smirk widened once Louis nodded rapidly, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar. Once he stopped nodding he looked down at his hands sitting in his lap while his mother spoke.

“Oh I remember you, Harry right?” Jay asked, Liam already gone. Harry turned to stare at her with his dismal orbs, there were quite the similarities between her and Louis but of course her eyes weren’t filled with sadness, it was obvious there was something if the smudged makeup under her eye was anything to go by (Harry almost laughed at the way it did nothing to cover the dark bags and lines). It didn’t really matter though, he was only intrigued in the depressed human being beside him and he knew he had to play nice with his mother if he wanted a chance to see him again. He gave her an almost unnoticeable smile and a nod of his head before turning back to Louis.

 Jay sensed her presence wasn’t wanted so she went over to the tables to tend to the customers that clearly wanted her attention. She wasn’t exactly worried about her son because she knew that Louis would behave or rather not behave? (The boy did literally nothing!) Despite the bad feeling Harry gave her, she didn’t mind leaving them alone. “Maybe that will make him social”, she muttered under her breath before smiling at Mike who was asking for a hug and another beer.

 

 ***LOUIS POV** *****

Harry had been staring at me for a while making me squirm. I didn’t dare meet his gaze though, despite his calming aura that shut the voices up for a while I was still afraid of him. I heard a voice inside him this time, just one, I had thought that thousands would have been let out by the time I ever saw him again, it was odd.

I froze, however, when he suddenly placed a hand over both of mine. That still didn’t make me look at him though, mainly because what caught my attention were the scars that littered the back of his hand. They looked like burn marks but then there were a few cuts here and there; and then:

“Are you afraid of me, Louis?”

The pause he made before saying my name made me hold my breath. I didn’t know how to answer that, because I was but at the same time I felt this calmness in my mind that I had still yet to decide whether it was beneficial or not. I turned my head with the intent of looking at him but I settled my gaze on his chest not ready to look at him directly. His gaze already affected me with just feeling it, I couldn’t imagine what it would do if I actually saw it.

“I don’t know,” I answered as confidently as I could even though my words expressed the opposite. I flinched when he barked out a laugh and looked down again. I started trembling when his hand went through my hair and then traced my jaw, I felt more scars on the tips of his fingers and it was a bit upsetting to think why he would hurt himself in such a way. I let out a sigh when he dropped his hand but it was only for a moment before he brought it up to my chin and lifted my head to look at him. My eyes widened, not just at what I saw but also at what I heard. _Let me out, Harry! Harry please! Let me play with him!_

“Come on,” he whispered before getting off his stool waiting for me to do the same. I quickly complied not wanting to anger him, worried about the voices in his head coming out (along with mine). He turned to walk once he noticed I was following making his way across the pub and towards the family bathroom (why there was a family bathroom in a freaking pub was beyond me). I could already tell this wasn’t going anywhere good but I couldn’t bring myself to leave, I was too curious.

He let me inside the bathroom and I leaned on the wall. His eyes raked over me and I tried not to fidget under his gaze but it was hard. I kept my eyes trained on his worn out boots that walked from side to side as if cornering me. I knew where this was going I wasn’t stupid; I just didn’t expect it to happen this way. Hell, I didn’t even know if what I felt for Harry was a sexual attraction. It was more on a spiritual level, he made them go away and that’s why I wanted to be close to him. I knew it wasn’t okay to go through with this but I didn’t want to throw away the chance of never seeing him again and the voices _always_ being there.

***NARRATOR’S POV** *****

 

Harry didn’t know what to do, the voices had barely died down with the alcohol and suddenly Louis appears with his tiny body and dull eyes (that made Harry have thoughts he never imagined he would have, he was pretty sure he was asexual) and they shut up. It was pretty obvious he needed to keep this boy around.

After he was done preying on Louis he took two long strides to where he was and pressed himself against his tiny frame, covering him completely. He buried his face in the younger boy’s neck and took a whiff, he smelled sweet and yet overwhelming. Harry didn’t know why he liked it so much, maybe because it was different than the rest of Louis. It was a nice smell, not dull or boring but not extravagant either. It was just _nice._

“Why do you smell like this?” he asked gruffly, taking another sniff to make his point and Louis felt like melting away when the taller man wrapped his arms around his middle and nuzzled his neck. He wasn’t sure how long it to answer, probably too much for Harry because he grinded his lower half into Louis’ making his ass slam against the wall.

“I-I don’t know, I just… I use almond oil after I shower” he answered, the uneasiness in his voice very evident. Harry hummed, his lower half still pressed to the boy’s.

The atmosphere had clearly changed, it was still gloomy but it had now a cloud of lust shared with both individuals who carried the same amount of baggage. The emerald eyed one, frustrated because these were feelings that he hadn’t experienced before; he was a stranger to the want and need for release while knowing that what he felt was much bigger. The smaller one understanding what was going on and feeling shivers of excitement as he waited for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long. The file got deleted a few times and then came Christmas and New Year's, so I apologize.  
> Sucky chapter ending but oh well, I tried. Happy New Year!


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I found God
> 
> I found him in a lover
> 
> When his hair falls in his face
> 
> And his hands so cold they shake"
> 
> \- Halsey

***NARRATOR’S POV** *****

Pants and groans filled the restroom as Harry grounded his hips even harder, sucking a bruise into the younger boy’s neck whose hands gripped his shoulder and hair.

“H-harry! S-someone could… _fuck…_ someone could come in and… _hnng_ … see”, Louis said in between moans. He wasn’t exactly sure where their situation was going but he was pretty sure he had no intention of stopping anytime soon.

Harry stopped his thrusts abruptly, his bulge pressed to the smaller boy’s. He had planned to ignore him and keep using him as he pleased but he then realized he didn’t really want people seeing him like this, _so vulnerable._ He pulled back his face to observe the boy in front of him; he knew that just one look would convince him to continue whatever it was they were doing.

Louis was breathtakingly beautiful (and that was coming from someone who found beauty in the most bizarre things).

His forehead had a barely-there glisten, his eyes were hooded and yet they were directly looking into his green ones, he was panting with his lips parted and they suddenly started looking very inviting and closer and… and _oh_.

Harry’s eyes widened as thin lips covered his plump ones, they moved and sucked and wow, this was certainly different (maybe because it was his first real kiss; it’s quite hard to kiss people when you literally hate everyone). He quickly recovered from the shock and pushed back before quickly taking control of the kiss, he nipped and sucked harshly almost as if trying to taste blood (which only would have aroused him more, to be honest).

“Hawry”, Louis moaned against his lips, the name barely understandable. He pulled away and turned his head to the side, hoping to get some air and to make sure they could at least lock the fucking door. The last thing he needed was his mother showing up and seeing him in a compromising position with a man he’s seen twice in his life. Oh, what a shock that would be.

He giggled when he saw how childish Harry looked with his eyes closed and puckered lips looking for Louis’. The older man quickly opened his eyes when he heard the sound and let out a growl when he saw the smile placed on the young one’s face. Louis let out another giggle, it felt nice considering he hadn’t laughed or smiled in quite a few years.

“What’s so funny princess?” Harry asked tilting his head to the side when he noticed how red Louis looked. It was odd, he had never seen anyone react that way, maybe because the only other person he had ever called that was Annabelle and she had always been used to her Hazzie’s nicknames.

“You… you just looked kind of… kind of adorable” Louis said averting his gaze downwards which proved to be a bad idea when he saw Harry was still pressed up against him. He was a scary man and maybe calling him adorable hadn’t been the best idea.

After a few moments of silence he looked up and saw Harry with furrowed eyebrows and had to bite back a smile because he kind of looked like a confused frog. The nice moment was short lived though because Harry quickly turned towards the door and walked over to it, opened it (making Louis’ heart sink) and then closed it before locking it (making Louis let out a sigh of relief).

His heart pounded as Harry turned to look at him with lust and hunger and yet his eyebrows were still furrowed, he was clearly confused and Louis wanted to know why but didn’t want to scare him away.

“A-are you o-“, Harry stalking towards him and pulling him in for a rough kiss cut him off. The boy moaned as Harry licked into his mouth and massaged his tongue against his, any other thoughts besides _HarryHarryHarry_ were long gone.

The older man pressed him up against the wall and once again thrust his lower half into him, rubbing their bulges together that were once again growing larger and rather uncomfortable. The room was once again filled with moans and unsteady breaths, which sounded undeniably perfect bouncing of the walls.

“H-harry I need… I-I need more”, Louis moaned not knowing what ‘more’ meant exactly (he was a virgin for fucks sake). Harry had an idea though and let out a growl before moving his hand downwards and opening the button of the younger boy’s jeans and pulling out his average prick without hesitation. He spit on his hand and quickly started stroking it, making Louis release a string of _Harrys_ and _FuckFuckFucks_.

He had forgotten about his own release until Louis came all over his shirt. He cursed as he quickly unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down to his knees and quickly working his cock while looking at Louis and releasing a series of grunts and _LouisLouisLouis._ His orgasm ripped through him as he came all over the younger boy’s shirt and cock, the most amazing part though, was that _Louis was hard again._

Harry let out a moan as he dropped to his knees getting ready to exploit the boy once more.

 

“H-harry?” Louis asked timidly his breath still a little ragged, he was still in that post-orgasm bliss (after coming _three_ times). They were sat on the floor beside each other, still breathing heavily.

Harry hummed, his eyes closed and nostrils flaring with each exhale. He seemed calm, and he was. The voices hadn’t made an appearance the whole time and although there was a chance they would come back when he left Louis, he chose not to think about that and just enjoy the boy’s company for now.

“W-was that a… one time thing?” The boy asked timidly, he didn’t exactly know how he felt about Harry yet but he didn’t want to stop seeing him. The voices didn’t bother him once during their time together.

He flinched when he heard the man’s booming laugh but then settled down when he looked at him and saw how nice he looked smiling. The smile turned into a smirk though, and green eyes stared right into his blue ones.

“You really think I’m just gonna let a pretty little thing like you go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that happened. First time writing smut so pls don't hate.
> 
> And yes, this marks the start of a much more intimate relationship between Harry and Louis (not that they had one).


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Our eyes fighting the light,
> 
> But I'm not ready to say "good night".
> 
> I try and hold on tight cause it's just not time to say "good night".
> 
> Say good night.'
> 
> -PVRIS

***HARRY’S POV***

“W-where are we going?” he questioned as I pulled him out the back door of _Appleberry’s_. I didn’t answer, just pulled him close to my chest as we made our way to my car, his smaller feet trying to match my pace.

I unlocked and opened the passenger door for him, smirking when he got in without hesitating. He was either really stupid or really smart if he knew what I had planned. I walked to the other side of the red SUV and slipped into the driver’s side. Before I could turn the key to start the car up, a small hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned and looked at Louis, like _really_ looked at him.

His hair was a mess; lips puffy and red, pupils blown and _oh_ \- yet another boner? Is that the name? I raised my eyebrow to signal I wanted him to explain and he gulped before placing his lips on mine in a sensual kiss. I immediately reacted and grabbed the side of his face to keep him in place as my tongue made its way inside. I sucked and nipped until he was moaning and pulled away with a dirty _smack_.

“A-are we going back to yours?” he asked, eyes empty and lips glistening in the moonlight. I gave him a firm nod and whispered, “Why of course, the night has only just begun”. He sighed dreamily and nodded before turning back to look at the front. I honestly would have cared less if he had objected but I was still glad he consented.

 

Halfway to my house I realized I couldn’t just fuck him there. Not because of my parents, they wouldn’t mind but _Annabelle._ I groaned in frustration and heard a whimper beside me. I turned to look at Louis and let out a sharp breath and a silent _thankyou_ for being at a red light.

He was rubbing himself, back arched against the door (which was locked, thankfully) and lips agape. One hand worked his clothed cock and the other appeared to be teasing his nipple under his shirt. His eyes darted to mine and widened once he saw I was looking, he quickly removed his hands and sat down correctly on the seat again.

“Put on your… your seatbelt” I said, palming my own dick while trying not to crash once the light turned green again. I saw him quickly do as I told out of the corner of my eye and smirked once he was seated and let out a sigh. I put my hand on his thigh and rubbed it for a bit before palming his erection, he gasped my name and threw his head back.

I kept rubbing him, surprised he hadn’t cum yet, the rest of the ride to my house. I luckily hadn’t been stopped by any police officers because I was still a bit intoxicated and jail just didn’t suit me.

“We’re here,” I whispered, parking the car and turning it off before quickly getting out. I practically sprinted to the passenger side and opened the door, helping the beautiful boy come out without falling. It was quite endearing the way his knees were shaky and he was holding on to my forearms for dear life.

I took him inside, careful of not making any noise. We walked up the stairs, him in front with me sucking on his neck from behind. I had my hand covering his neck to avoid him moaning and waking anyone up, thankfully my room was soundproof like all the rest so he was going to moan all he wanted in there… or scream, I didn’t really mind either.

We stumbled into my room and I turned him around, pressing him to my chest. I sucked a bruise into his neck while shutting the door with my foot.

“Don’t forget to lock it,” he whispered in my ear.

I signalled him to go lay down on the bed while turning towards the door and turning the lock. I turned the knob a coupe of times just to make sure it was in fact unable to open. I sighed in relief when it didn’t turn and rested my forehead against the door, taking a few breaths.

 I let out another sigh and turned to face my bed where a delicate Louis laid, his eyes hooded and erection almost gone. I tsked at that and made my way to him, pulling my shirt over my head and putting neatly at the end of the bed knowing it wasn’t going to last there much longer.

I smirked when I saw his eyes rake down my torso, as if analysing every tattoo and every part of it. I wasn’t exactly ‘buff’ as some people say, but I wasn’t too skinny either.

 “H-harry” he said softly, making grabby hands at me. I stopped at the end of the bed and stared at him. He was squirming now, arms draped over his chest and stomach, legs kicking.

 

“Strip”

 

***NARRATOR’S POV***

Louis quickly did so, removing his shirt and pants as efficiently as he could. He was still in the bed, which proved to make the task even more difficult. He huffed as he struggled to pull his jeans off all the way, pushing them off with his feet.

 He sighed in content once he was just in his boxers and propped up on his elbows, his fingers clenching and unclenching the duvet in anticipation. His breathing hitched when Harry started removing his jeans agonizingly slow; squeezing himself once they were off.

 The tall man climbed over the bed, crawling up until he was face to face with those sad blue eyes he had become infatuated with in such a short time. He leaned down and brought their lips together in a dirty, tongue filled kiss; Louis brought his hands to the older man’s back, scratching lightly. They moaned as they licked into each other’s mouths and when they were finally out of breath, Harry pulled away bringing the smaller boy’s bottom lip between his teeth.

 “H-harry…I…need you… need you _so_ bad” Louis mumbled incoherently as Harry traced his torso with his hands. The man rolled his eyes and bucked his hips into the boy, making him cry out. “Silence” he barked at the same time, “don’t talk”.

Louis whimpered and nodded, opening his legs more. Harry sighed and slid the boy’s boxers down his legs, mouth watering at the sight of his red cock. Out of curiosity, he lifted the boy’s balls to see a tight pink entrance and his breath hitched as it fluttered, as if _knowing_ what was to come.

He brought two fingers into his mouth and-

 

 _Hello there_.

 

And _shit._ His whole body went rigid at the new _intrusion_ , and he couldn’t believe it. Louis was supposed to quiet them down; he didn’t understand what was happening. His mind was spinning again, stuck in a place where _they_ bothered him and screamed at him, controlling his moves and thoughts.

 

Last thing he remembers is a faint whisper of _Harry_ and the colour blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! Thank you to those who have been leaving comments, they inspire me to write more! <3


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
> 
> But there were so many red flags
> 
> Now another one bites the dust
> 
> Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one}
> 
> -Sia

**WARNING: RAPE its a flashback but still, it could be triggering.**

 

 ***LOUIS’ POV** *

I let out a sob as I made my way home, cold and limping. I winced every time I took a step, every part of my body throbbing. Despite my condition I had to leave as soon as possible, I feared for my life if I didn’t. I may have wanted to die most of the time but not in that way, it was too much, even for me.

It wasn’t Harry though, that much I knew. His eyes were emptier than usual, pupils dilated too much to be the cause of lust. At first I thought I had provoked him with my antics in the car but when he started getting too aggressive I realized something was very wrong but how could I get out of it when he practically had me naked and under him?

 

I got home about five minutes after six; there were no bumps during my walk thank goodness. I wasn’t emotionally –or physically- stable to endure more abuse. The voices had died down as well, guess they knew I needed recovery; it was nice, I felt lighter.

I went straight to my room and into the bathroom, turning on the shower and ridding myself of my clothes. I turned to the mirror on my door and took a look; there were bruises all over my body. I had two hand shaped marks on my neck, scratches in my tummy and ribs so deep they were still bleeding, and my collarbones were filled with purple hickeys, which looked a lot different than what I thought they would look like. I didn’t even want to look at my bum; it was probably the worst one. I considered taking a bath but I decided against it, sitting down was going to hurt for a while.

 

After the shower I sat down on my bed, wincing at the sting. I wasn’t crying anymore, -I stopped when I was a few blocks away from home- I was just wondering why the hell did that happen, to me of all people. As if I didn’t have more shit to deal with, this happens and fucks me up even more.

 

_Harry was about to suck two fingers into his mouth and I was squirming in anticipation. I had heard it hurt at first but then once he hits your prostate it’s bliss (and by the size of his fingers I figured he’d hit it in no time). He suddenly went rigid though, and so did I. There was something different, the atmosphere wasn’t the same it was darker, scarier. Before I could even understand what was happening he smirked and shoved the fingers into my hole, I let out a scream and grabbed his arm trying to stop him._

_"Stop Harry, i-it fucking hu-urts!” I screamed, my nails digging into his arm when he started pulling his fingers out. He brought his free arm to my neck and gave me a light slap on the mouth, murmuring a_ shut up _and averting his eyes from mine to where he thrust his fingers. He wasn’t even trying to make it pleasurable for me and I was worried of what would happen if I let it go any further._

 _“H-harry please,” I whimpered with tears pooling in my eyes, “it hurts_ so _much”. His eyes lifted and I gasped, his pupils were too dilated and I knew something was wrong with him. He pulled his fingers out and wiped them on the duvet before spitting on his hand and grabbing his dick, pumping it a couple of times and brought it to my entrance. I was kicking and screaming for help when his tip entered and we both gave a sharp intake of breath. He then snapped out of it and thrust into me, letting out a growl and digging his nails into my ribs, where he was trying to keep me still. I let out another scream and kicked my legs, scratching at his back and trying to remove his hands._

 _He started up a pace, fast and hard ignoring my pleading and my scratches. He bit at my collarbones and I was pretty sure he was drawing blood so I pulled at his hair but it only made him moan. Eventually he had enough of my screaming and sobbing so he brought his hands to my neck and crushed it. “_ Shut the fuck up you little slut” _he said dangerously low. I scratched at his hands and looked at him with wide eyes, he just continued to fuck into me._

_Just when I thought I was about to die, I felt him spill inside me and his grip loosened. I barely noticed how unconscious he was before I too closed my eyes and let go._

My eyes watered as flashbacks of Harry’s face appeared in my brain. He looked so dead. It’s not like I expected him to be gentle but I hadn’t expected him to be so violent, then again I literally knew nothing about him. I wiped my tears as I remembered what had happened in the morning and how awkward it was.

 

_I woke up to pain in my whole body and a weight over me. I opened my eyes and looked down where Harry was apparently snuggled into my neck, snoring softly. My eyes watered when I remembered the events of last night and how horrid he looked in comparison to this, this peaceful stance he didn’t seem to have when conscious._

_I let out a sob when he mumbled a_ Lou _and snuggled even more into me, inhaling my scent. I started slipping slowly from under him, trying to get out through the side of the bed. He let out a snort and another mumble of my name. I sighed once I managed to slip out completely but winced once I noticed the pain on my backside and the dried cum between my thighs. I managed to get dressed quietly despite the constant pain, and slipped out of the room without waking him._

_The sun hadn’t come out yet so I figured whoever else was in the house wasn’t awake yet which I was very, extremely wrong about. I went down the stairs and found a living room but no front door, I cursed and wiped my tears that only kept coming._

_“Why are you crying?” a soft voice asked, my eyes widened and I turned around. I was met with a little girl with dark brown curly hair that went all the way down to her hips and big caramel eyes; she looked just like Harry. I sniffled and wiped my eyes, “It’s uh nothing”. I gave out an awkward laugh and shrugged, she tilted her head to the side and furrowed her eyebrows._

_“Did Hazzie make you cry? Do you want me to talk to him?” she exclaimed and gasped, “Don’t worry, I’ll tell him he can’t make his only friend cry”. I quickly walked over to her and shushed her before she woke up everyone._

_“It’s okay sweetie, I just need to leave right now,” I said stroking her cheek; she nodded and gave me a sympathetic smile._

_“Lou?”_

_My eyes widened when I heard Harry’s voice from upstairs and footsteps. I quickly asked the girl where the door was and she led me to it. I thanked her and ran out before he could see me (ignoring the pain was harder than I thought). As soon as I was far away enough I started crying again._

So I sat in my room pondering over the events that took place, what if I encounter Harry again? I honestly fear for my life. My mind kept swirling with questions which I didn’t complain about because it was much better than the voices who would just be making fun of how weak and dirty I am. I fell asleep thinking about how kind the little girl’s eyes looked in comparison to Harry’s dark green ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I UPDATED OMFG! Sorry guys, I was in exams all week:,v but yeah I am now on spring break XD
> 
> I've also been working on a Phan and Larry AU and I'm loving it so far so yeah wait for that. Also I made an Instagram @/sweaterpaws.larry its a Phan and Larry account, so yeah follow me and I'll probs follow back, I need more larrie friends xD
> 
> Feedback is appreciated! <3


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ You're a holy fool all colored blue
> 
> Red feet upon the floor
> 
> You do such damage, how do you manage
> 
> Tryna crawling back for more? ]
> 
> -Florence + The Machine

**WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE**

 

***HARRY’S POV***

I woke up the next day with a massive headache. Had I really had that much to drink?

I felt around without opening my eyes for Louis. It took a while for me to realize that I couldn’t remember anything that happened after we were naked on my bed. He wasn’t beside me which led me to believe that maybe I had dreamt it? No, it was too real.

After looking everywhere in my room I decided to go downstairs and check if he was there. I hoped he wasn't or I was going to kill him; the last thing I needed is Annabelle seeing me bringing people home and getting ideas. What if Wilhelmina had found him? I would never hear the end of it, not that I cared what that old bat thought.

“Lou?” I called out when I walked into dim hallway; the sun hadn’t even come out yet. Where was he?

I walked downstairs when I heard a few noises, figuring –hoping- it was Louis. What I saw though, was quite disappointing and worrying at the same time.

“Annabelle, what are you doing?” I asked, noticing the way my voice changed when speaking to her; _such a nice lad._ I gulped and ignored the new intruder and kept my eyes on my younger sibling. She had an angry look on her face, one that I had only gotten when I wouldn’t play with her.

“What is it hun?” I asked crouching down to her height. She huffed and crossed her arms, turning her head in the other direction. “Please tell me sweet”

She sighed and turned to me, pointing an accusing finger at me almost making me fall on my arse. “You are a meanie! _You_ made the pretty boy cry!”

I widened my eyes at the angry accusations coming from Annabelle. I didn’t know what she was talking about until I realized that yeah, Louis had been here last night. What if he had told her something? That kid was going to get it. I quickly stood up and looked down worriedly on the child.

“Did he tell you anything?” I asked sternly. She noticed I wasn’t playing games and her frowned face turned into a thoughtful one. She shook her head rapidly once she probably remembered her encounter. “He just cried! And-and when I asked him he said it was nothing and that he had to go”

I nodded and sighed in relief, even though I didn’t remember anything I could swear we had sex. I felt the scratches on my back and the marks on my arms. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Annabelle calling me again.

“Is his name Lou?” she whispered. I nodded and crouched down once more noticing the way she went rigid. “H-he ran away-y when he heard y-you... H-he looked really scared, Hazzie, like he saw a monster... Did you scare him?”

I felt my whole body go stiff. No, I couldn’t have. He wanted it right? _It`s not like you remember anything anyways, does consent really matter?_ My eyes widened and I fell backwards in realization. Something happened and I needed to find out immediately.

 

After asking Annabelle not to say anything and giving her breakfast, I went upstairs to change and look for Louis. As I combed through my hair I thought of places I could go look, my first guess was the park where I first met him if he wasn’t there I would go ask his mother at the pub later. I considered taking Annabelle with me to the park but I needed to be able to yell at him if he did or said something stupid.

I carried Anabelle to her room and tucked her in her bed since it was still pretty early. I then made my way to my room to grab some clothes since I was only in my boxers. As I made my way to my dresser, something in the bed caught my eye and I turned to look at it closely.

 

No, I couldn’t have.

 

I know I’m a heartless bastard but I would never cause that. I stared in horror at the red stain on the bed a few smudges all over it. I was almost certain I prepped him, I must have or else those movies I watched as a teenager were in vain.

My eyes were wide as I analyzed the blood; it was worrying, the kid could still be bleeding. I let out a groan of frustration at the thought, why would he be so careless? I needed to find him before he bled to death.

I put on a white shirt and black jeans before looking for my boots. I sat on my bed avoiding the stain once I found them and put them on. I was about to walk out when I realized I should probably cover the blood in case someone came snooping around.

After covering it I went downstairs and stopped in my tracks when I saw Wilhelmina fixing a flower vase at the entrance, luckily her back was to me and I easily slipped into the kitchen. I recomposed myself and quickly went out the back door, making my way to the park straight after.

 

***LOUIS’ POV***

I fell asleep crying on my bed and woke up about fifteen minutes later after I felt something uncomfortable in my ass. I quickly rushed to the bathroom to check, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and dabbed it lightly on my anus and hissed at the pain. I gasped when I brought it back up and saw the blood, tears prickled my eyes and I tried to clean it as best as I could without hurting myself. I wanted to go to the doctor but they would ask questions and I wasn’t ready to tell anyone, he would probably kill me anyways which didn’t sound like the worst idea to be honest.

I breathed heavily as I made my way into my room again, I thought I could wake my mother up but it didn’t appear she was home. The door to her room was wide open when she would usually close it to sleep so I assumed she stayed overnight at the pub. I scoffed knowing she most likely hadn’t asked about me at all. Some mother she is.

I laid down on my bed as best as I could without it hurting too much, I decided that catching up on some sleep was the best I could do to recover. As I was dozing off I remembered I hadn’t locked the door to my room but I couldn’t bring myself to care as I was put into a painful sleep full of nightmares.

***NARRATOR’S POV***

Harry waited for a while at the park until he realized that the logical thing for Louis to do _if_ he did in fact rape him was to go home. He didn’t know the address though so he figured he would stop by the pub and ask one of the workers, they would probably know where one of the other employees lived.

As he made his way to _Appleberry’s_ he tried to remember the events of the night before but alas he had no luck. All he remembered was the moment he was about to suck on his fingers when the voice spoke and then: nothing.

He groaned and pulled at his hair in frustration earning a few looks from other bystanders which he ignored. When he stopped pulling he noticed he was very close to the pub so he speed walked the rest of the way until he made his way to the door. He opened it and made his way inside quickly, his eyes wandered around until he found the person he was looking for.

“Hey! Liam, right?” he asked the man who was cleaning the counter. He turned to look at him and then his eyes light up in recognition and then he nodded, “Hey mate, anything you need?”

Harry made his way to the counter nodding his head; he placed his hands on the edge and asked lowly, “do you happen to know where Jay and her son live?”

Liam’s head tilted for a moment, confused as to why Harry would be asking but then remembered he and Louis were friends so he probably wanted to hang out, though it was still odd. “Yeah, you wanna visit Louis or something?”

Harry nodded rapidly, he wasn’t lying and that was better though what could have happened the night before still nagged at him. He let out a breath once he noticed Liam’s hand giving him a piece of paper, he grabbed it and smiled when he saw the address and ran to the door yelling out a `Thank you!’.

 

He arrived at about noon considering he got lost a couple of times until finally accepting the fact that he needed to interact with other beings and ask for directions.

He stood at the door hesitating a bit, he’d read that victims don’t react well to their rapists but he _was_ trying to help (despite it being for his own selfish reasons) so he shrugged it off and knocked on the door firmly. He balanced himself on the heels of his boots his jaw clenching and unclenching while waiting.

After a couple of minutes he decided to try again, Louis _had_ to be there or else. Harry needed answers and he wasn’t going to stop until he got them. _He probably enjoyed it, the little slut._ This thought caused his fist to pound harder and louder.

A faint ‘coming!’ was heard followed by a hiccup this time, and Harry took a step back to not scare whoever was coming to open the door. It sounded a lot like Louis and he was hoping the kid wouldn’t slam the door in his face.

 

Which he did... or tried at least.

 

 As expected, Louis opened the door shakily and stopped halfway once he saw it was Harry. He gasped and tears prickled his eyes as he tried slamming it but the man was fast and placed his foot in between the frame and the door.

“Louis, please I-“, he tried to explain but the boy kept trying to close the door, foot or no foot.

“ _You_ got what you wanted and now _you_ leave _me_ alone” he yelled, angry tears streaming down his red cheeks. He kept slamming the door in Harry’s foot hoping to hurt him and make him remove it but the man wouldn’t budge and kept begging for Louis to listen.

“Louis please, I really don’t remember what happened and I want to know if I hurt you” the man said gently despite the pain in his foot. He wouldn’t let it go until he got answers. He sighed when he heard Louis scoff and decided he had had enough; he put both his hands on the door and removed his right foot from blocking the door before pushing as hard as he could.

The door opened making Louis stumble but he regained his balance fairly quick. He looked up and gasped once he saw Harry walking inside, he took a few steps back when the man turned around and closed the door leaning his forehead on it and taking a deep breath. After a few seconds he turns around and looks at the boy, he can almost smell his fear he runs a hand through his hair and takes an experimental step closer.

“Please stop”, Louis whimpers and Harry almost considers giving in. _Almost._ He came looking for answers (and a small part of him to take care of the boy) and he was going to get them.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says in a low voice trying not to startle the kid even more, “but I need answers” This time his tone is more stern so Louis knows he’s not leaving until he gets what he wants.

“You raped me” he says, blue eyes staring into his green ones although quite unfocused. “Something happened and you went bat shit crazy” he spits out.

Harry’s eyes widen and he fish mouths for a few seconds, not quite sure what to say. Louis sighs and turns to the living room with the purpose of sitting down since the bruises still hurt. He walks over to the worn out love seat and sits as gently as possible. He looks up at the ceiling before closing his eyes, accepting whatever was going to happen.

“Did you bleed?” Harry asked, stepping into the room and looking at the boy. He knew the obvious answer but needed to hear it from him so he could then offer medical attention. See? He wasn’t entirely an asshole.

Louis let out a few puffs of air, the scratches on his ribs burning. He decided the man hadn’t presented as a threat so far and there wasn’t a reason not to answer. “Yes”

Harry nodded and gulped shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He then realized Louis wasn’t looking at him so he cleared his throat, making him open his eyes and look at him with an empty gaze.

“I think you should go to the hospital” he said. The statement made Louis scoff, yeah no shit. He would if he could afford it but they barely had money for food and school. “I could take you, if you want”

The younger boy was about to let out a laugh at his attempt to fix things but realized this was the only opportunity he would have. His mother probably wouldn’t believe him and say he just wanted attention as always or even say he deserved it.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them and nodding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS HERE! I am finally on vacation so I'm going to try and update as much as I can.
> 
> Also I apologize for not putting up a warning on the last chapter, it's been edited and I've also put an archive warning so yeah.
> 
> Thank you to those who've commented, ily <3
> 
> -M


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { Oh I know
> 
> I can feel the shifting in my bones
> 
> Enclosed are senses so unknown
> 
> I've been changing, falling, fading
> 
> There's demons at the door patiently waiting }
> 
> -PVRIS

***NARRATOR’S POV***

“Well, it doesn’t look too serious,” the doctor said coming out from under Louis’ hospital gown making the boy sigh in relief. “But without the right treatment it could tear up more and need surgery”

Both Harry and Louis flinched at that and it made the older man feel just a tad bit guiltier. (He still didn’t remember anything though but accepted the fact that maybe he shouldn’t have been having sex with a minor in the first place)

“W-what’s the treatment?” Louis squeaked sitting up on the exam table cringing at the pain in his bum and both he and Harry looking expectantly at the doctor.

“It’s more of a list of home remedies really,” the doctor said removing his gloves and standing up to throw them away. “Firstly, you need to avoid what are called _sharp_ foods like chips, popcorn and stuff like that considering they may not be well-digested”

Louis sighed and nodded letting him know that he was listening intently, as long as there was no medicine to buy he could do it. He didn’t know how he was going to pay the consultation or if Harry was considering on paying but he knew he couldn’t use his mom’s money in view of the fact that they barely had enough.

“You should also take a lot of liquids,” the doctor continued and then gave the teenager a pointed look. “And I don’t mean soda or any other sugary drinks, stick to water”

“And lastly, take baths in warm water daily, it will help the anus heal faster and clean it without having to rub the injured area”

They both nodded and Louis’ cheeks were red from embarrassment and he was hoping to get out of there soon so he could go home and soak in some warm water and maybe cry again and try and repress all the things he had been through in the last few days.

“Well then, I think you’re all set,” the doctor said with a smile, he didn’t have a hint of awkwardness on his face and Louis hoped it was because he’d had plenty of other people with the same or worst situations. “And try not to move around too much”

He and Harry then left the room to let the boy get dressed. They walked to the waiting room and stood there for a few seconds before Harry fish mouthed a couple of times trying to think of something to say before he got beaten to it.

“What the fuck happened, Harry?” Nick exclaimed making the younger man groan.

“I guess I just went too rough on him” He said shrugging his shoulders, green eyes fixated on the door they’d just come out of.

“Yes, I could see that,” Nick scoffed and rolled his eyes. Typical Harry not giving away anything but the obvious. “Did you even get the sex talk?”

Harry turned to look at him with that neutral look he always had when he wasn’t feeling too hateful towards people. “You know my parents, they basically gave me a book and locked me up in my room until I finished it all” he stated with a scoff.

Nick barked out a laugh that made a few nurses stare at them before looking back at whatever it was they were doing. He patted Harry on the back and smirked at the look he received, giving the younger man a fond look that was quickly dismissed.

“So is he your boyfriend or something?” secretly hoping the answer was the obvious one, he knew there was something different considering the lad hated human contact and anything related to it, so to actually have had sex with someone must have meant the kid was sort of special but he didn’t lose hope. “Kinda young, isn’t he?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Harry grumbled before walking over to the door and pounding his fist on it a couple of times. “Louis! What’s taking you so long? Let’s go!”

He furrowed his eyebrows when he heard a sniffle and a hiccup and a faint ‘I’m coming!’ He really hoped he wouldn’t be long because he wouldn’t be able to stand more looks from Nick or questions about his personal life, just because he was a family friend didn’t mean he would be a personal friend to Harry, or more (God forbid).

He sighed and stood back crossing his arms and tapping his foot with a clenched jaw, ignoring the look that he was getting from the man beside him.

“So what is he to you?” Nick asked clearly not letting the subject go and Harry considered lying just to get him off his back.

“He’s a friend” he answered and tried not to let his eyes give away the lie. Louis wasn’t his friend and given the circumstances it wasn’t like they were going to be anything but strangers but Nick didn’t have to know that.

Harry rolled his eyes when he barked out a laugh and patted his back yet again, you’d think after knowing him for almost eight years he’d get the message that he absolutely despised human touch. _You weren’t thinking that when you were pounding into the little twink not too long ago._

Oh. His body went rigid when he heard that, knowing well that it was in his head and nobody else heard it. _Poor thing, he thought we forgot about him. Shut up_ , he thought and clenched his jaw when all he heard were laughs.

“Harry I’ve known you for what? Seven years?” Nick exclaimed, and Harry hadn’t ever been more thankful for his annoying voice. “And not once have you had anything close to a friend, save for that girl across the street that says hi to you every time she sees you”

“You should be happy for me then,” Harry answered in an irritated tone. “I am finally as average as the rest of the world”

Nick sighed and shook his head with a small smile; he had always found the younger man’s subconscious sense of superiority very attractive. He had known he wasn’t normal the first time he met him, the way he shook his hand and gave him a once over before returning to the book he had been reading. Back then he was very young and Nick hadn’t even thought of him that way but recently he had noticed how much he’d grown.

“You will never be as average as the rest of the world” he responded in what sounded like an admiring tone and Harry just wanted to heave.

Fortunately, Louis came out before he could even respond with swollen eyes and flushed cheeks and Harry sighed because he didn’t know how much more _Nick Grimshaw_ he could cope with.

“Are you ready to go?” he asked acerbically causing the boy to flinch but nod nonetheless and Harry cursed knowing his eyes went soft upon seeing how fragile Louis looked. _It’s a shame he doesn’t look at you the same way the other fool does._

_Yeah! He thinks you’re a monster._

He clenched his eyes and counted to ten doing his best to ignore the deranged laughter in his head. He felt dizzy and his breathing became ragged and he figured he was going to pass o-

“H-harry, can we leave? Please”

He opened his eyes and saw blue, and he’d never paid attention to colours before but fuck, he couldn’t help but be incredibly grateful towards blue in that moment because for some reason it quieted whatever was inside him down and not just the voices but that silent overwhelming urge to destroy everything he saw and burn it till it became ashes.

He gulped at his thoughts and nodded maintaining eye contact in fear of losing that moment of sanity he was having until fucking Nicholas Grimshaw decided to open his fatuous mouth.

“Yeah, you guys better get going to continue your _friendly_ activities,” he said in a teasing tone and looking at Harry as if it were some kind of inside joke between them and he resisted the urge to scoff. “Just follow the instructions I gave you and I would recommend coming for a check up in about three weeks to make sure everything is in order”

“Will do,” Harry said and started walking towards the exit with a hand on Louis’ neck that would have seemed possessive to a stranger but it was really just a way to make him walk, which he did after a bit of stumbling. “Thank you, Nick”

Nick smiled at them and waved, “Anytime, Harry. You know that.”

He sighed once they were out of sight and he made a mental note to call Anne and maybe try and get invited to a family dinner soon. It just seemed that the more Harry dismissed him, the closer he wanted to get whether it was because of his attraction or the fact that he wanted to unlock all the secrets in that mysterious mind of his.

_Oh, Nick. Some things are meant to be kept locked up._

 

“W-we didn’t pay for… for the-”

“He’s a family friend so he did it for free,” Harry interrupted in a dull tone. They’d been walking for a few minutes and he hoped Louis could somehow keep talking so he could walk in peace and quiet without anything bothering him. “Do not worry about it”

The boy nodded then looked up at him, blue eyes scanning his face and he didn’t know if he should have said anything more considering how they had gotten to that point and the way Harry’s jaw was clenched but he figured he might as well made the walk home as awkward less as possible.

“He… he doesn’t look at you like just a friend though” He moved his gaze down to his walking feet to avoid the stare he was surely going to receive. He looked up though when he heard a humourless laugh, in time to see Harry shaking his head making the small curls at the end of his hair bounce. “I’m serious; he looks at you like he wants to marry you”

“He’s a fool,” Harry answered looking at him in the eyes for the first time since they’d started their trek. “He’s been around me for years so he thinks he’s comfortable with me ergo making him believe I would make a good partner”

“Oh,” Louis said keeping his gaze on the man until he looks down and he kind of misses the green colour, it was better than the almost black he had seen not long ago. “Sucks to be him I guess”

He looked up abruptly once more, that time when he heard a puff of air come out of what looked to be Harry’s nose and he was smiling and Louis realised that it was his attempt to laugh and he started feeling warm all over but also sadness because of everything that had happened and maybe if they had met under different circumstances, both still alone, they could’ve been real friends.

“What about you?” the older man asked once he was done laughing at the boy’s non-literary language, teenagers these days. “Have you ever looked at someone like you want to marry them? Or the other way around?”

“That’s funny,” Louis said letting out an awkward laugh and kicking a rock in his path. “Not really, no. I’ve always been the ‘weird’ kid and I’ve never had any friends except for...” He trailed off and realised that maybe he shouldn’t have remembered and stopped walking and closed his eyes tightly to try and repress the memories.

“Hey, uh... it’s okay” Harry tried to soothe him and put a hesitant hand on his shoulder, he stopped  walking as soon as he saw Louis tense up and stop from his peripheral vision. “Being alone isn’t always that bad, I mean look at myself,” he said motioning to himself with his free hand making the boy’s eyes open and stare at him with fear and also curiosity. He didn’t blame him though, he had been willing to admit that he was odd. “I am a twenty two year old man who is literally alone by choice and doesn’t have one friend”

Louis gave him a tight smile and looked down, knowing he didn’t understand. He wasn’t alone by choice, he was alone because of the things inside his head, he would have done anything to get rid of them and be normal.

“Yeah,” he let Harry have his way so he wouldn’t have had to explain and talk about something too personal, he was still the man who raped him and although he was starting to lose his fear towards him it was still there in the back of his mind and maybe he should have been traumatized but he had never been like the average teenager. “You’re right”

 

They arrived at Louis’ home in time for dinner, and the boy kind of hoped his mom wasn’t home or if she was, that she was at least asleep in her bedroom. It’d been a rough couple of days for him and he needed to sleep maybe forever to recover.

They walked up to the porch and Louis turned to say thank you but Harry lifted a hand to stop him before looking at him with a soft gaze. “I’m really sorry, I hope you know that. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me but I can’t remember what happened at all but I still hurt you in a serious way and I don’t expect you to forgive me I just hope you can move past this and recover well,” he said stuttered a few times considering he’d never apologized to anyone outside of his family and because he seemed to be confessing the fact that he didn’t know what was happening.

 “You can ring me at this number if you want me to take you to your next check up, I promise to bring a car,” he continued ignoring the shocked look on Louis’ face and handed him a piece of paper with his house number considering he didn’t have a cell phone. “And I guess this is goodbye”

He didn’t add an ‘I’ll see you soon’ because he knew he was probably never going to hear from him again and he ignored the pang in his chest that he’d never felt before but had heard other people talk about.

“Thank you,” the boy said once he had turned around facing away from him and Harry wanted to look back and see his eyes one more time before everything in his mind got fucked up again but he didn’t, not when Louis murmured a small _goodbye_ and he heard the door open and shut.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them and starting his walk home. He rubbed at his chest with one hand hoping it might ease the feeling while he stuck the other one into his pocket, he stopped when he felt something there and pulled it out. His frown turned into a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow when he saw his red lighter and that’s when he knew how he was going to forget all about the boy.

_We are going to have_ so _much fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... new character aye? I don't even know how that happened so don't ask. My fingers just move without me realizing it until I'm editing late at night.
> 
> Thank you to those three people that commented on the last chapter because it's because of them that this is being updated, so yeah. Comments motivate me!!! 
> 
> Comments=Update, now you know :)))
> 
> Edit: I edited the chapter bc I realised I fucked up the tense... oops? But it is all good now xD


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> { Sick of the lack of signal.
> 
> Sick of the lack of touch.
> 
> Sick of the static voice.
> 
> It's not enough, it's not enough.}
> 
> -PVRIS

***LOUIS’ POV***

 

“You need to stop,” I said looking around to see if anyone had been looking. I sighed in relief when I realised no one was around and turned to look at him with a clenched jaw. “When we said goodbye that day, it was supposed to mean forever”

Why had I even tried to get him away from me? It was clear that for some fucked up reason he made the voices stop whenever he was with me and I think he knew that, I wasn’t sure why. But then there was the tiny detail in which he raped me and it was a pretty big deal but for some reason I was over it, something changed when he had told me he didn’t remember anything and I kind of understood what he felt because sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of my trashed room that I had supposedly left tidy.

There was also the fact that my mother was more afraid of what people thought if they saw me with Harry, especially romantically. I wasn’t planning on speaking to him ever again but I didn’t see the point in her worrying. The whole town already thought we were cursed or something, considering all the bad things that had happened to us –starting from my dad leaving when I was ten- throughout the years I didn’t blame them.

**_*Two months earlier*_ **

_I closed the door and leaned on it for a few seconds, trying to analyze what Harry had said. I believed him when he said he didn’t remember anything that had happened but I hadn’t been sure if it was because he had been drunk or because-_

_~~Maybe it was because of us, Louis.~~ _

_~~Yeah Louis. Don’t you feel different? I certainly do, it is much less crowded.~~ _

_My eyes widened and I gasped in realization. No, he couldn’t be like me, this was a curse only one person had to bear._

_“Louis? Is that you?”_

_I was interrupted by my mother calling me and shit; I hadn’t planned what I was going to say. I walked towards the living room slowly, silently hoping she wouldn’t give me one of her ‘sermons’ which were really just her way of justifying herself as a good mother when she actually wouldn’t care less if I ran off to live somewhere else._

_“Hello hun,” she said in a false sweet tone and even the voices in my head groaned because they too knew what was about to come. “Why don’t you sit down? I think we need to talk”_

_I nodded shakily and made my way over to the couch across from the one she was sitting in, I would have rather not be close by if things did get heated. She sighed and smoothed out her long skirt before looking at me with a serious expression._

_“Was that Harry?” she asked conversationally, and I nodded shakily knowing there was no point in lying when it was quite obvious she had looked out the window. “Oh Louis, I’m only telling you this for your own well being,” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes because when has anything that’s for my own good ever not benefit her in some way?_

_“You know, this town we live in is not very open minded. Save for the Styles family who let’s face haven’t been asked to leave because of their wealth and generous donations to the school,” she said giving a small laugh at the end and I was lost as to where the conversation was going. “And the problem with this town being so close minded is that I dunno how well they would take two male residents in a romantic relationship”_

_And okay that was true because the last homosexual couple that had lived here had to move far away to avoid being harassed. But me and Harry? Did she know something? I fish mouthed a few times trying to find the correct words to say but she cleared her throat stopping me._

_“It’s pretty obvious the relationship you and Harry have, which surprises me considering you haven’t known each other for long,” she said giving me a pointed look. “But I don’t think you should be seeing him, considering how everyone would react and I’m sure you’d hate to be the talk of the town”_

_I scoffed at that because it was quite obvious she just didn’t want to be associated with me if that happened which she would because we’re The Tomlinson’s, we’re barely surviving and alone and my mom probably spends some of our money on alcohol._

_“Yeah right, mum,” I said standing up making her look at me with wide eyes. “All you really care about is not being talked about more than we are already, because everyone knows how fucked up we are, even more than the Styles family”_

_Now I didn’t know them personally but there had been stories of the Styles and I wasn’t judging but they seemed to be extremely weird and different and like mother had said, very open minded._

_“I’m just trying to not give people another reason to alienate us” she raised her voice and stood up. I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the stairs, before she stopped me and I sighed knowing what I had to do to make her stop._

_“I don’t intend on seeing Harry ever again, mum,” I said honestly and turned to look at her. “I promise”_

***Present time***

I kept my promise for about two months, that amount of time was probably the worst I had spent. They got restless and started cutting off my air supply during random moments, something they hadn’t done in years. I thought it was because I hadn’t heard them in a few days and they were making up for lost time but I didn’t miss their whispers of _Harry_ late at night in my dreamless sleep.

I got used to it after a while and everything went back to normal –as normal as it could get- and I figured Harry had finally forgotten about me but it seems I was proven wrong.

He had me pinned against the wall of the alley behind my school, green eyes raking over my body and I couldn’t help but fidget under his intense gaze. He shook his head at what I had said about our goodbye as if not being able to accept it and I scoffed because he had looked pretty okay with it last week when I saw him at the bar with some blonde bimbo, it was kind of funny how he stared at me while walking her to his car and almost fell on his ass.

“Yes, Harry,” I said harshly, ignoring the way he grunted and tightened his grip on my hips. “It’s not a good idea for us to keep meeting, we know how well it went last time”

He took a sharp intake of breath and looked directly at me, loosening the grip he had and taking a few steps back. I could see that my words affected him because he had an ashamed look on his face and I gulped trying to ignore the guilt that was creeping up on my chest.

“A-are you okay?” he asked shakily and I didn’t think I had ever seen him look so small, it wasn’t helping. “You never called me to take you to your next appointment”

I winced knowing I had to give an explanation for that, it was his way of apologizing after all and I didn’t let him have it. “I haven’t been able to go; I was kind of grounded and wasn’t allowed outside the house,” now it wasn’t a total lie because my mum had kept me on a tight leash during the first few weeks, and after the first month passed I had figured everything was okay and there was no need to go to the doctor’s. “But it’s been a couple of months so I’m sure okay now, d-don’t worry”

“You should still go and make sure,” he answered and walked over to me again. He was so close that I could smell his cologne and it was something expensive and unknown and I felt overwhelmed because I hadn’t seen him in a while and I thought I never would but he was there in my personal space with his green eyes staring into mine and I bit my lip to avoid saying something stupid but he caught the movement with his eyes and brought his hand to cup my cheek running his thumb over the side of lip that wasn’t being bitten, I was entranced and he knew. He knew when he looked into my eyes again, his thumb not stopping its movements, and asked; “Please?”

And fuck, did I ever stand a chance?

 

***HARRY’S POV***

After leaving Louis’ house I found myself in front of one of the warehouses I had attempted to burn down. The majority of it was ashes but there were still some parts standing, so I opted to finish the job. I knew it would gain some attention from the police no matter the size but I did it nonetheless, a couple of policemen banging on my door a few days later weren’t going to stop me.

I watched it blow up into flames, a smile on my face and for the first time the voices and I came to an agreement. This was my kind of fun, not getting seduced by some pesky teenager.

I was okay for a few days after that and returned to my normal activities of playing with Annabelle and taking her to the park. Of course Wilhelmina had asked questions as well as my parents but I quickly pacified their worries by coming up with a vague explanation.

After that I would wake up in the middle of the night without air supply and by the cackles in my mind I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. They started getting violent, and appeared to scream for others to come. I didn’t understand anything so I simply put up with it, knowing there wasn’t anyone or anything that could help me.

I spent two months trying to live my life like I had for the first twenty two years of it and it been hard. Which is why I probably felt a sense of relief when I saw Louis a week ago outside _Appleberry’s_ , now that was the first time I had attempted to have sexual interactions with anyone after him but after he looked at me directly and a clear recognition framed his face I knew I couldn’t continue. Sex wouldn’t shut them up. _~~It would spur us on.~~_

I then tried to look for him somewhere other than his house considering Jay hadn’t been too happy to see me at the bar. I knew I was very desperate when I started walking to all of the high schools in town which weren’t many but I still didn’t find him until the third one. It’s like he had known I was there because as soon as he stepped out, he looked up and his eyes connected with mine. After that I had him pinned to the wall and convinced him to let me take him to the doctor’s.

I stared at him as we walked to my car and his expression seemed impartial and it was both frustrating and liberating, he seemed to have lost the fear towards me and I didn’t know why that brought such a warm feeling to my chest but it did and I didn’t will it away.

I opened the door for him and ignored the bewildered look he gave me, wide blue eyes and mouth agape. He got in after I let out a grunt and I closed the door, walking to the other side and getting in. He stared at me as I put the key in the ignition and started the car.

I was pulling out of the parking lot and that was when the little cunt decided to speak. “Remember when I was leaning against the door rubbing myself?” he said nonchalantly and my eyes widened and it took every bit of concentration not to crash. He laughed a little at my reaction and patted my shoulder. “‘was just teasin’ ya, mate”

I gulped and sighed before stopping at a red light. I turned to him about to reprimand him but my mouth stayed agape when I saw the smile on his face, his eyes were crinkled and his features were soft and he seemed so relaxed. I closed my mouth and huffed, “That wasn’t funny, I could have crashed”

He let out a giggle, something I used to find annoying, and poked my shoulder. “It kind of was, I mean the look on your face was priceless,” he let out a cackle throwing his head back and closing his eyes. I rolled my eyes and focused on the road once more when the light turned green. “You look cute when you pout”

I visibly tensed at the comment, having never received that type of adjectives except for my sister and even she’d never mentioned I was _cute_. I made a face and shook my head not having an answer and he seemed content with that since he just chuckled and then turned to the window. I opted to not say anything else as we fell into a comfortable silence.

 

***NARRATOR’S POV***

 

They arrived at the clinic ten minutes later and to say Dr. Grimshaw was euphoric would be an understatement. He hadn’t seen Harry since a few days after the check up when he got invited over for dinner by Anne (it was quite fascinating to watch him play with his sister and then be so cold towards his grandmother who, he admits, was quite a bitch).

He tried to give them a long greeting and get information on his life these couple of months they hadn’t seen each other but got stopped by Harry raising a hand and telling him quite sternly that they were in a hurry, so he quickly shut his mouth and went on to perform the examination.

“Everything is perfectly healed,” he exclaimed removing the plastic gloves and throwing them in the bin. “I would say to still keep away from sharp foods for a few more days but there isn’t anything internal left to heal so you’re good”

Louis nodded shyly and murmured a ‘thank you’ before moving over to grab his clothes; both Harry and Nick took this as their cue to leave and stepped outside, the younger man trying to tone down the annoyance that was building up in his stomach by just thinking about being questioned like last time.

“I’m glad you came back,” Nick exclaimed before realizing how endearing that had sounded and trying to ignore the look on Harry’s face as he covered it up, “f-for a checkup I mean, it’s good to know that he’s healed”

Harry sighed and refrained from rolling his eyes before nodding apathetically making Nick let out a huff. He could never win with Harry, there hadn’t been anything that he did that pleased him or at least made him smile, except for Annabelle.

“I’m glad I convinced him” he answered curtly and kept his eyes on the door and Nick didn’t miss the fond look on Harry’s face or the ache in his chest knowing well that he wasn’t the cause of it (he also ignored that feeling that told him he would never be).

They stayed silent after that and Harry was honestly relieved although quite curious of what made Nick finally shut up. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though as he saw Louis emerge from the door, more quickly than last time, with a small blush on his cheeks and a bashful smile on his face.

They bid Nick goodbye, completely oblivious to the somber look he wore and too engrossed on each other, worrying about what this meant and what was to come. They walked in silence to the car, Harry’s hand on the small of Louis’ back making him blush even harder.

 

The ride was silent except for a few comments on the scenery here and there until they arrived at the Tomlinson’s residence at last. They both sighed and Harry was about to question why Louis hadn’t gotten out of the car until the boy spoke.

“Can I call you to that number you gave me, later?” he asked quite bluntly and Harry could easily notice the blush on his cheeks that looked like it hadn’t left at all since the doctor’s office. He nods dumbly though with a questioning look on his face that Louis easily interpreted. “I-I just think we should take baby steps, I-I think we are more alike than you think and I’d like to get to know you… is that alright?”

Harry refrained from giving him a fond look and opted for a tight smile and another nod. Anything to be forgiven, he didn’t understand why he needed it but he did and he wasn’t going to lose that opportunity.

Louis gives him a small smile and an ‘okay then’ before getting out of the car and running into his house. Leaving an overwhelmed and flushed Harry, both of them wondering what they have gotten into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, I started it as soon as I had finished the other but I couldn't find a way to end it, and I didn't have internet for a while :c
> 
> THANK YOU to those who commented on the last chapter, you guys are awesome. Your comments really help with the updates because whenever I feel like no one likes this I'll see them and realize that yeah, I'm doing this for my own enjoyment AND for you guys.
> 
> Also, I'm really excited for the next chapter omg, things definetly change ;)
> 
> This is getting long so just thanks and ily, and comment! -M, xx


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> | I will not ask you where you came from
> 
> I will not ask and neither should you
> 
> Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips
> 
> we should just kiss like real people do |
> 
> \- Hozier

***HARRY’S POV***

 

“Harry dear,” my mum called from downstairs, I sighed and put my book down walking over to the living room where she held the phone in her hand. “Someone’s asking for you... Louis, is his name”

I could see the question written all over her face and I’m sure she could see the emotions in mine, even if I didn’t know exactly what they were. I took the phone from her and thanked her, waiting patiently for her to leave the room even though it was obvious she wanted to know.

“Hello, Louis?” I inquired, ignoring the fidget of my hand that wasn’t occupied. I had been waiting for Louis’ call ever since I dropped him off at his house a week prior, I refrained from going to look for him so he could think things through; after all I read about rape trauma I figured the last thing he would do would be forgive me but he always showed signs of being different than the rest of the people.

_“Hello, Harry,”_ his high pitched voice answered interrupting my thoughts. It sounded different on the phone for some reason but I ignored it in favour of paying attention to what he had to say. “ _I...I’m calling”_

“That you are,” I remarked with a smirk, for some reason I could imagine him biting his lip and looking down. “Any particular reason why?”

_“W-well I said I would call and uh,”_ he stammered and I decided to sit down because it seemed this would take a while. _“I would have done it sooner but lately mum has been nagging me with chores and yeah, sorry”_

“Oh it’s quite alright,” I answered monotonously. “It gave you time to think”

_“It did and I w-was wondering if you’d like to go to the ice cream parlour? The one that just opened near the diner”_ he asked and I don’t know what I was expecting from the phone call but it wasn’t that. Oh well, sometimes no expectations are the best expectations.

“That sounds alright,” I replied with a pause. “What time should I pick you up?”

_“R-really? Uh, maybe in half an hour?”_

I nodded but quickly realized he couldn’t see me and mumbled my agreement, we said very stiff goodbyes and hung up. I turned to grab my book but my mother was there with a look of amusement on her face.

“What?” I asked feigning innocence.

“Is Louis a friend of yours?” She asked mischievously and it was clear what she meant by friend but I knew either meaning would excite her so I simply nodded. She awed making me roll my eyes when she came to hug me.

When she let go I quickly ran upstairs to avoid having to hear her tell my father and sister and being embarrassed even more. I knew it came as quite a shock but I know that if they knew the nature of my and Louis’ relationship they’d be very disappointed.

I grabbed my coat as it was getting quite chilly and ran downstairs ignoring my parents’ questions.

 

I pulled up to Louis’ house a while later and decided to get out and knock on the door because that seemed to be a polite gesture. I waited for a few seconds before I heard muffled voices that seemed to be Louis’ and his mother before they quieted down and the door opened.

Louis got out quickly and closed the door, pulling me with him to my car where I opened the door for him with the same rush he seemed to have. I got in right after he settled with the seatbelt on and gave him a questioning look.

“Oops, I should have explained, I apologize,” he said sheepishly and I couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, he looked quite... adorable. “I wanted to get out my mum’s sight as fast as I could or else she gets nosy and I don’t feel like dealing with that... um, hello”

“Hi,” I answered giving him an amused smile and nodding in understanding before starting the car and making my way to the ice cream parlour.

It was an interesting ride to say the least; Louis kept changing the radio station whenever a song he didn’t know or like came on. He couldn’t believe I didn’t know most of the artists that came up and it was quite amusing, he gave me their names and their genres and normally I would have ignored him and pretend that I paid attention but I did learn a lot and remembered most of their names.

When we got to the ice cream parlour he gave out a squeal that made me wonder if he had always been that carefree, he still had bags under his eyes which looked drained but the smile on his face made me overlook it.

“I usually order cheesecake but today I’m craving cookie dough,” he stated and I nodded hanging on to every word he said, it was nice to feel this side of humanity and if paying close attention to him was going to let me feel it then I would gladly do so. “What do you want?”

“Uh... I’m not sure,” I stammered and turned to look at the flavours they had displayed until one caught my eye. It was bright red and my first thought went to mum’s cake and I knew I was going to order it. I turned to Louis and gave him a smirk that he returned with a nervous smile and made my way to the register. “Hello, two ice cream cones please”

The girl at the counter was blonde and wore bright pink lipstick that almost would have made me cringe if I hadn’t remembered my manners. She smiled and asked me for the flavours, typing in my order.

“Red velvet and cookie dough, two scoops on each one please”

I felt someone walk up to my side and I looked down at Louis, he was looking at the girl serving the ice cream with so much wonder in his eyes I almost assumed he’d never gone to get ice cream before.

“Here you go,” she smiled and handed me the cones which I handed to Louis before taking out my wallet and paying despite Louis protests.

I took my ice cream from him and moved to walk over to a booth before he stopped me and suggested that we go to the park and take a walk. It was getting cold out and maybe eating ice cream outside wasn’t the best idea but I couldn’t say no, especially after the beaming smile he gave me afterwards.

 

***NARRATOR’S POV***

 

“T-thank you for the ice cream,” Louis stammered making Harry chuckle and shake his head. They had long since finished their dessert but couldn’t bring themselves to stop walking; ignoring the chatter and noises of children and families with their pets they kept talking.

“You’re welcome,” he responded looking down at his feet and kicking a rock. “Tell me though, have you never gone to an ice cream parlour?”

Louis gave him a questioning look before sighing and remembering the last time he went to get ice cream. “I have but w-when I was really little,” he answered, shrugging his shoulders. “Barely remember it now,” he turned to Harry and asked softly, “what about you?”

“A couple of times, when my parents hadn’t been able to take my sister,” he scoffs, “I’ve never ordered one for myself though”

“Why not?” Louis asked in disbelief. “Do you not like ice cream?”

Harry shrugged and hugged his coat closer, it wasn’t too cold yet but for some reason he felt the need to do it. “I’ve just never felt compelled to sit down and enjoy one, I used to think it was too mundane,” Louis chuckled because Harry was so odd and different.

“What do you think now?” He asked with a knowing smile, Harry had devoured the ice cream and even had a little bit on the corners of his mouth. Louis couldn’t bring himself to say anything yet.

“Oh I am definitely having more from now on,” the older man answered, widening his eyes to emphasize how serious he was.

Louis let out a laugh and shook his head before stopping, making Harry stop after him and give him a questioning glance. “I’m sorry, I should have said something before but I couldn’t bring myself to it,” he walked closer to Harry until the latter one could feel his breath on his chin, he licked his thumb and wiped the remains of ice cream off of the corners of the man’s lips.

Harry let out a gasp at the contact on his skin, when Louis removed his finger he gave him a smile and his eyes crinkled. He was about to take a step back when he realised maybe he had been invading Harry’s space but he had no time to do so when two arms wrapped around his waist, making him stand on the tips of his toes and a slightly chapped pair of lips pressed onto his. His eyes were wide open and he was about to go into shock when he realised Harry had no intentions of it being sensual. He sighed and pushed back, closing his eyes as soon as they both started to move their lips, he wrapped his arms around Harry who sighed in return. It was sweet and innocent, both adjectives didn’t go well with how things had gone so far between them and maybe kissing each other wouldn’t have ideal for them but they needed it. They needed something normal and spoken about so many times to make them forget about the things inside their heads.

They pulled away slowly and opened their eyes, coming back to reality. They let out a puff of air and looked at each other with wide eyes, Harry fish mouthed a few times not knowing what to say or how to explain but he didn’t have to when Louis laughed. He covered his mouth trying to stop and not give Harry the wrong idea but he couldn’t help it.

The older man looked at him questioningly for a few seconds before he too laughed a bit, running a hand through his shoulder length hair and shaking his head because he couldn’t believe he was at a park where he had just kissed a boy he had done horrible things to, if you took the details away the situation was kind of hilarious.

Maybe the situation wasn’t ideal and maybe they should have considered forgetting about each other but there was something there, keeping them tied to each other and making them lose any rational thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'M SO SORRY!  
>  School started and I kinda forgot about other stuff and then when I finally sat down to write I couldn't manage to make this chapter longer than it turned out so sorry about that as well.  
> I hope you guys didn't forget about me :'v  
> You should check out my other story too, it's on wattpad as well as here so wherever you want xD
> 
> All the love, M. xx
> 
> PS. HARRY'S PHOTOSHOOT, NIALL'S SONG. I'M STILL SHOOK.


End file.
